I deleted or "deactivated" my facebook last night because I was sick of it always hanging over me. (Did you know that facebook won't let you completely delete your profile?)
First thing I though of in the morning was "Oh I wonder if anyone commented on that link I posted" Or, "Ooh I bet my 'friends' would really like to know what I ate for breakfast this morning." It seems like when you have a facebook the need for calling old friends or family members becomes less and less. When you can just go to their wall to see what they're up to why call them?
After almost a year of having a facebook I started to notice that I hang out with people less and less. I know that we've all got our own busy lives but come on.. really.. you can't even call to say hi? We can't even go get tea or coffee?
I am starting to think that I don't have any real friends at all anymore. I am okay with this... I would just really like to meet some new people. I'm just not the same as we I to be. I don't want to gossip with you about so and so.. I want to craft, I want to talk about sewing and music. I want to hangout with other moms who parent the way that I do..
I don't have much in common with the people in this town. I hate this town. I absolutely h a t e it here. I have outgrown this town and it seems impossible to escape it. I feel like I am drowning.
In an attempt to keep my spirits up I listen to Belle and Sebastian every day. I sing this song at the top of my lungs and sometimes I feel like a crazy bat.. but it makes me laugh anyway.
"Ooh! get me away from here Im dying
Play me a song to set me free
Nobody writes them like they used to
So it may as well be me
Here on my own now after hours
Here on my own now on a bus
Think of it this way
You could either be successful or be us
With our winning smiles, and us
With our catchy tunes and words
Now were photogenic
You know, we dont stand a chance
Oh, Ill settle down with some old story
About a boy whos just like me
Thought there was love in everything and everyone
Youre so naive!
They always reach a sorry ending
They always get it in the end
Still it was worth it as I turned the pages solemnly, and then
With a winning smile, the poor boy
With naivety succeeds
At the final moment, I cried
I always cry at endings
Oh, that wasnt what I meant to say at all
From where Im sitting, rain
Falling against the lonely tenement
Has set my mind to wander
Into the windows of my lovers
They never know unless I write
This is no declaration, I just thought Id let you know goodbye
Said the hero in the story
It is mightier than swords
I could kill you sure
But I could only make you cry with these words"
And honestly.. Etsy gets me through. I am so thankful for the friends I have made through this wonderful crafting community. if i didn't craft and sew, who would I be? Where would I be? I would be so lost and so so bland.
I need a fresh start, in a new city, with new people who aren't so fucking boring.
(and I never say fucking, ever.)